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Picture 1 Shirley Conroy- Learning Catalyst

 

At Bishop's CE Primary Academy we regularly host

 

The Solihull Approach to Parenting

Understanding Your Child's Behaviour

This is a free 10 week course  run in The Hub covering

  • Child development
  • Why children behave the way they do
  • Why children have tantrums and sulk
  • and more

It also gives you a chance to meet other parents

and share experiences

 

Keep a look out for details of the next course.

If you are interested contact Sarah, Shirley or

leave a message in the school office.

Parenting Tips On....

Spending Special Time With Your Child

· Follow your child’s suggestions and interests

· Praise and encourage your child’s ideas and  creativity. Don’t criticize.

· Be an attentive and appreciative audience

· Notice their accomplishments and help them feel important.

· Encourage your child to problem solve. Curb your desire to offer too much help.

· Show enthusiasm for special time that you spend with your child

· Don’t make too many demands

· Don’t compete with your child

· Have fun and laugh (a lot!)

Helping to Understand Social, Emotional and Persistence Coaching

 

· Look out for times that you can coach your child

· Remember to offer comments about their efforts at sharing and getting along with others

· Be an attentive and appreciative audience

· Model and talk about your own feelings and emotions

· Encourage your child to understand their feelings by naming them.

· Help your child to keep going with tasks, even when they seem hard.  Help them if needed.

· Don’t ask them to do things that are very difficult

Praise

· Catch your child being good—don’t save praise for perfect behaviour—it’s the effort not the outcome

· Don’t worry that you will spoil your children with praise

· The more difficult the child—the more praise they need

· Give labelled and specific praise

· Praise with smiles, eye-contact and enthusiasm, high-fives, hugs etc

· Praise immediately, consistently  and positively

· Praise in front of others

· Don’t forget to praise  others and yourself!

Tangible Rewards

· Tell the child clearly what is appropriate   behaviour

· Make the steps small and achievable

· Don’t make reward charts too complex—only one or two behaviours to start

· Focus on positive behaviours—don’t mix with punishments

· Choose free or inexpensive rewards and   reward every few days

· Involve your child in choosing the rewards

· Get the behaviour first and then reward!

· Gradually replace rewards with praise

· Be clear and specific about rewards

· Reward everyday achievements

· Show that you expect success

Rules, Responsibilities and Routines

· Children thrive on clear expectations

· Rules make life easier—but where possible make positive rules

· All children can be responsible for chores—but they must be age/development appropriate

· We all need predictability—routines help this

· Involve your child setting rules—they will feel that they own them

· Negotiate what chores you would like your child to do—but don’t let them walk over you!

· Be firm—but not overbearing

· Show that you expect compliance

Limit setting

· Don’t give unnecessary commands

· Make one request at a time

· Be realistic in your expectations

· Use ‘do’ requests

·  Make requests positive, polite & to the point

· Don’t use ‘stop’ commands

· Give children ample opportunity to comply

· Give warnings & helpful reminders

· Don’t threaten children—use ‘when...then’ commands

· Give options where possible

· Support your partner’s requests

· Praise compliance

· Encourage problem-solving

Ignoring Misbehaviour

· Avoid eye contact and discussion

· Physically move away from the child, but stay near enough to see them

· Be subtle in the way you ignore

· Be prepared for testing

·  Be consistent

· Return attention as soon as misbehaviour stops

· Combine distractions with ignoring

· Choose specific behaviours to ignore and make sure they are ones you CAN ignore

· Limit the number of behaviours to ignore

· Give lots of attention to positive behaviours

Children's Anger

· Notice when your child is starting to get   angry or frustrated

· Encourage them to talk about their feelings

· Model how to manage ‘Tell yourself to STOP, calm down and take 3 big breaths’

· Encourage your child to use positive thoughts ‘I can handle this,’ ‘everyone makes mistakes’

·  Praise your child’s self-control and appropriate expressions of feelings when they do manage

· Model how you manage your anger so the child learns

Your Stress and Anger

· Scan your body for tension, breathe and relax

· Notice any negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones

· Ask yourself if what is making you tense is really that important.  Will it make a difference a week from now? A year?

· Visualise something special from the past or a dream for the future

·  In the middle of a conflict, breathe deeply and try to cool off. 

· Take a break (go for a walk ,have a bath, read a book)

· Regularly plan things that are just for you (or with your partner)

Time Out

· Use when behaviours cannot be ignored

· Be prepared for testing

· Expect repeated learning trials

· Ignore the child while in time out

·  Support a partner’s use of time out

· Ensure you complete time out

· Use consistently for chosen misbehaviours

· Give warnings that time out is coming

· Aim for 2 minutes calm at the end

· Make child responsible for messes caused during time out

· Ignore screaming, whining etc while in time out

· Praise positive behaviour as soon as possible after

Calming Down Strategies

· When your child is calm practice taking deep breaths and praise your child by telling him he is very strong at calming down

· Notice times when your child stays calm in frustrating situations and praise her for her patience and calmness

· Use emotion coaching and comment on times you child is happy, excited, curious, calm, angry and frustrated.  Try to comment on more happy feelings than sad ones.

· Model staying calm  yourself in frustrating situations—take a deep breath and say ‘I can calm down’ in front of your child

Consequences

· Make consequences age-appropriate and fair

· Be sure that you can live with the consequences you set up

· Make consequences immediate

· Discuss consequences ahead of time and give child choices if possible

·  Make consequences natural and non-vengeful

· Be calm and positive

· Use consequences that are short and to the point

· Quickly offer new learning experiences to be successful

· Once the consequence is over start again with a clean slate

Losing Control

Points to Remember  When You Feel Like You’re Out Of Control

Step back & ask

· What is my goal?

· What am I doing now?

· Is it helping me reach my goal?

·  Do I need to do things differently?

Practice this relaxation technique

· Slow down your breathing

· Count from 1 to 10 as far as you are able in a single breath

· Repeat deep slow breathing & counting until you feel relaxed

Recognise your upsetting thoughts & re-phrase them into calm ones

Tantrums

· Remember they are normal as the child wants independence

· They happen because the child does not have enough language to communicate

· Stay calm while your child storms

· Don’t try to reason or distract them—it will make it worse

·  Stay near your child—but ignore them

· Wait until they calm and then return your attention immediately

· No matter how long it lasts don't give in

· If they begin to hurt someone pick them up and move them  without comment

· Think about why they are having a tantrum

 

 

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